Time flies and I’m already 37 weeks pregnant. For those of you that have never been pregnant, it means that I’m three weeks away from my due date and that he could be born any day. If he’s born now, he won’t even be premature. When hubs went offshore I was sure the baby would be born within 4 weeks, but now that’s only a week and a half away and I have a feeling he’s staying in there for longer.
But to be completly honest my body is more than ready to get him out. It’s just been a downward spiral the last month with eternal pain in my back and hips. I’m getting physical therapy which helps, but it’s not enough. My boy is getting so big and heavy, I feel like my ever growing belly is in my way no matter what I do. How am I going to survive if he gains another kilo before he wants to be born? I probably won’t even be able to walk! Today would have been my last day of work before starting my maternity leave, but I’ve been on sick leave since last week because I just couldn’t anymore. I just woke up one day and my body had had enough. I’ve told hubs if my next pregnancy is this aweful, we’re not having more then two children!
Yet my brain is not quite as ready and my body to have this baby. It’s been really nice just relaxing this past week, but it’s given me some time to stress out about the big life changes that are right around the corner. How am I really ready to have a baby? I have no experience with babies what so ever! The thing I think about most is how much my life is going to change, and I’m afraid I’ll change too much along with it. They say everyone changes when they have a baby, but I’m afraid I’ll be a whole new person, someone I wouldn’t like. What if I’m not Kaja anymore? I expect to be in a daze in the beginning, but what if I never go back to normal? It’s pretty scary to think about. I wonder today if that’s why he’s keeping put, so that I can be completly ready. For the first time hubs is actually more ready than me!
But even though I’m a bit scared and nervous, I’m not really scared about giving birth. It could be any day now, and I’m ready to get it over with! I know it will be hard and I know it will hurt, but I have no doubt it will be fine. I mean women have been giving birth since the beginning of time, and I’m not at all worried I can’t do it. I think about seeing him and touching him for the first time. I can’t wait to look into his eyes and realize that’s actually my son. I wonder every day what he will look like, and I really hope he’ll look just like his dad and have loads of red hair. His nursery is just about ready, just need to hang a few things and hopefully I can show you by next week! My hospital bag is almost ready too, I just need to get a few more things before I can blog about it.
I’m going to try to just relax and get the apartment ready for the next weeks, and hope he can come just a little bit early. My latest obsession is the tv-show ‘Castle’, but I’m almost ready with the entire series to far I need to find something new to watch. I do have a season left of ‘Battlestar Galactica’ as well, but let’s face it, that won’t last me very long! Also have some knitting to do, so my baby can have way too many wool blankets then he will ever need.